I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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