u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize