hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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