Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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