I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's like iHOP with fire
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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