No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize