Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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