Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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