We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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