Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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