Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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