the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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