Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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