you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize