I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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