i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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