that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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