Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize