The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
50% drunk capacity currently
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize