Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I did not marry a roomba.
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