I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize