if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize