the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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