My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize