my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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