your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize