he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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