You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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