Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize