Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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