I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
