my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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