why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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