so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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