Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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