Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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