and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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