I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She said her name was "party"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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