I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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