i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
