That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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