Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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