So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize