I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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