Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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