did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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