But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize