It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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