I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize