If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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