The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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