He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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